**Warning** This article is written for mature readers as I will share details about my pregnancies that are not meant for young readers.
I have been pregnant seven times. Six of those seven times were confirmed by blood work and five of those six I saw on the sonogram screen. Only one of the seven was confirmed at home with a pregnancy test, but I waited too long to get it confirmed with blood work. I will tell you my story then I will share my heart about praying for all babies who are not yet born.
In 2007, my husband and I expected our first baby. We were incredibly excited! I was working at a place where I had 100% coverage, so even though we hadn’t been married long and my husband was in school, I was not scared of the financial burden that comes with children. My sweet little one would be due in June of 2008. I began a pregnancy journal, and I made my appointment at the OB/GYN. A day or two before my appointment, I got up from my office chair and stood in horror. I told someone I trusted that I needed to leave as I was bleeding. I called the doctor right away and went in. The sono tech didn’t say much, but I saw the baby on the screen. There was no heartbeat.
Although it was early, blood work and my bleeding confirmed that my levels told of an impending miscarriage. The next day, my husband and I bought our Wii gaming system at the mall. We knew our time together would not be what we expected. While we were walking around, my stomach began to cramp. It was either that day or the next that while vacuuming our little apartment, the cramps increased. My body was going into labor. I delivered that little baby at home. I was alone. I can see how people can be convinced that a newly conceived baby is just gray tissue matter because that was what it looked like. I screamed. I yelled. I sobbed. I wanted a burial. I wanted a doctor to tell me which part of what I saw was my baby. I had to flush the toilet. That’s it. It was over. I thought it was over.
I found out at some point that I am also Rh-, so I also had to get a Rhogam shot in my hip. The doctor also had to confirm that my levels went down to zero. They did. I did not need a D & C. It was hard to walk back into the office every time, but I can still remember one amazing nurse hugging me tight and tearing up with me as I cried again.
When I made it back to work, I was surrounded by amazing people. Both men and women at our offices came to me and told me their stories of loss and heartache. I could not believe how many people had been through what I’d been through. I gained a little strength. Women at church had a girls’ night to give me a night of escape. One sweet friend even waited to share her pregnancy news with me until after I had some time to heal. My husband and I bought some jewelry for me. It was a birthstone for October. I wear it whenever we do something special.
My husband and I took some time to pray. We wanted to decide what we’d want to do if this became the norm. After seeing two families who inspired us, we both decided that adoption would be a part of our lives no matter what. So far we have not adopted for ourselves, but for now we will continue to financially support adopting families as often as possible.
In 2009, I found out I was expecting again. It was very difficult to be excited. As many women who have miscarried will tell you, it is scary to be happy because of the fear. I truly believe that between my fear and loss of blood after my boy was born, I suffered from postpartum depression for close to six months. I am thankful for friends, family, and an amazing doctor who helped me through.
We had another boy in 2011, two more miscarriages (less traumatic than the first but still difficult), blood tests which confirmed PCOS, a round of a low dose of Clomid, and expected twins in March of 2015. I take that back. The second baby was so far behind in development than the other, we knew that it would never make it. I still looked at room setups for twins, but I never got my hopes up. Much to my surprise, my body ‘absorbed’ the twin (I don’t really want to know exactly how), and each week on the sonogram, the area around the baby got smaller and smaller.
How is this about prayer? Well, we often pray for a boy, a girl, or a healthy baby. Since our prayers often shape our attitude (and the reverse is true), I would suggest praying for the following after all of my experiences:
- Pray for a heart that is open to loving the baby born into your life.
- Pray for healthy financial choices so that you don’t cause your own financial woes. Living within your means can help if you do have a child with any special and/or medical needs.
- Pray Romans 8:26ff when faced with adversity in pregnancy or when TTC.
- Pray for your child’s future friends, family, and loved ones.
- Pray the Lord’s Prayer.
- Pray for the people who you depend on for advice.
- Pray for the doctors, nurses, midwives, and other professionals who will be making the calls on your delivery day and the days and years to follow.
- Pray for the ability to catch when something is wrong with your unborn child or after your child is born. Then pray that you won’t stay in denial when you find that something is off. No one’s body is perfectly healthy. (If you lean toward hypochondriac, then pray the opposite. I do not say this in jest.)