I didn’t even add Former Middle School and Recreation Pastor’s wife to the title. Now my husband is in school again, and we are happily involved in our new church in our new city. The church body is truly not limited to four walls and a steeple. While my main responsibilities were as a teacher, I understand that I also had responsibilities as a wife of a minister. When my husband accepted his first full time position in the church, I had some expectations for myself that I simply could not meet. I have learned so much during the past eight years that I will apply as a partner of my current church home.
1. I couldn’t be at every event. There are so many events that go on at church, and it is simply not possible to attend all of them. At my current church, I will not expect the church staff and spouses to attend every single event. Is it helpful to support ministries outside of one’s own ministry? Yes. However, there is not time to care for one’s family and volunteer at every single church function.
2. We chose to volunteer outside of my husband’s department. My husband chose to volunteer in media, and I chose to volunteer in the nursery. If we expected church members to volunteer after working all week, so could we. At my current church, I know that the staff and their spouses will give attention to some ministries more than others. They cannot possibly know about every single thing going on in every single ministry; nor will I expect them to remember every person’s name involved in every ministry. They will be more passionate about one ministry than another, and it is not called favoritism.
3. I didn’t usually discipline my children in front of other church members. This doesn’t mean that they didn’t get an earful in the car and a consequence at home. I won’t expect it of my current church staff either.
4. We viewed our church as our home church, not just as my husband’s job. We opened up to our LifeGroup class and felt comfortable sharing with them. They were our family away from family; without them, I don’t know that I would have wanted to live so far from family for so long. If there is ever a time that a teacher or pastor ever shares anything personal with me or my husband, we will honor that confidence with support as opposed to gossip. Being in leadership in ANY job can be a lonely place. Having a trustworthy mentor or confidant is invaluable.
5. I have two best friends from my sending church. We all met when we had no children, and we now have seven between the three of us. To say we have been through a lot together would be an understatement. Now that I have moved, I value their friendship that much more. In my current church, I will pray that every pastor, teacher and spouse has someone like this in their own lives. Iron sharpens iron.
6. God placed a call on my husband’s life many years ago to one day be a professor. I imagined that it might be something he would do in retirement, but God wants him to do it now. To know that he has not been burned out but rather wants to teach the next generation of pastors is a testament to the fact that our church loved us through all of those lessons that I listed above.
Our sending church didn’t make me feel like I had to be at every single event. They supported Earl as he made sure to love his children well. They loved my children as I attempted to rear them with an audience. They welcomed us as volunteers in other ministries and allowed us to have friends within our own church. We are transitioning occupations at the moment, but Seminary is our current calling. (I say “our” because I do edit most of his papers.)
We have attended churches in many states, and there are always interesting expectations of the church staff and their families. Yes, they should be held to a moral standard, but please be careful not to confuse morality with preference. Love them. Support them. Pray for them. That is what I’ll be doing. Join me.
Melissa's Thoughts: Teacher at Heart 